Two close friends of ours are having a vintage-camping themed wedding this summer, so of course I had to Photoshop their heads onto the the bodies of the tweens from Moonrise Kingdom for the shower invitation. Junip walked past and informed me, “That’s the photo of when Chad and Mallory went for a walk and he wore my hat.”

She actually does have a hat like that, but really, the girl is going to need to learn to spot a forgery or she’ll never make it in this crazy world.

(Playing with Teddy): “His classmates call him Teddy but his real name is Betty Cheggy Meddy Teddy.” Try saying that three times fast.

J: “Mom, is today a school day?” Me: “No, it’s spring break.” J (totally and completed devasted): “Mom, I need to SNUGGLE, because I am SO SAD that it’s spring break.”

(Making a bead/pipe-cleaner bracelet): “Mom, do you want to put this bead on? Then it will be a collaboration!”

Her figurative drawing ended up reverting back to Tadpole Man (arms and legs extending from an enlarged head) after an initial stage of figures with torsos. Except for the butts! The butts remain. She is so casual about it I have to check myself not to laugh – I don’t want to make her self conscious about it.

And her first casual insult (directed at Quinn, in a loving, if patronizing, tone): “You little Hei Hei.” Me: “What’s a Hei Hei?” June (smiling deviously): “You know… the chicken.” (As in, the idiot rooster from Moana.)

She is more often Quinn’s advocate though, frequently mistaking my neglect for genuine misunderstanding, the sweet, naive thing. Example: I thought the children were occupied and attempted to hop into the shower, giddy with the thought of being able to bathe, however rushed, without fussing children at my feet as is our norm. Quinn heard the water turn on, though, and came running, pulling back the shower curtain and screaming with rage at being excluded, which I obviously ignored because I was having that shower, so help me God. Juniper, ever helpful, came to yell over Q’s screams, “MOM! MOM! I think Quinny wants to shower with you because she’s trying to get into the shower and she’s screaming!” Thanks, kid.

How did she get so big? This week I walked into the dining room and found a piece of paper with QUIM written on the top – Junip was setting her up to draw and wrote her name for her! What?! I mean, I’m not one to wish my children back into babyhood – I am generally finding life more interesting and more hilarious the older they get – but every once in a while her unstoppable growth kind of knocks me on my ass, makes me want to dig in my heels and pull the reins.

You hear that, kid? Slow down a little!

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